Worry Can’t Change Others

My guest today is Kathy Collard Miller. Her newest book, Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries has just released. I've invited her to share a little about worry...something I can relate to. How about you? Be sure to leave a comment for Kathy and be entered for a chance to win a copy.

Worry Can't Change Others

by Kathy Collard Miller 



There’s something deep inside of us that believes worry can change others. If someone we love has a different perspective than we do, we worry. If someone we love has a different belief about God, we worry. If someone we love has a character flaw, we worry. We just know their wrong thinking will mess up their lives. 

Some of these worries may truly seem “worthy” of worry. Your mother may not know Christ as her Savior, and she has cancer. Your son may be on the street taking drugs. Your friend may demonstrate a lack of integrity at work. Another friend drives while intoxicated. You may have tried to reason, cajole, quote Scripture, even manipulate each person into changing their ideas and their behavior, but nothing has worked—not even prayer. God hasn’t changed them either. You fear something bad, really bad, is going to happen.

Even if it’s not a matter of something really bad occurring, we can easily take responsibility for someone else’s happiness and then respond in an unhealthy way. I recognized that possibility as we walked through the grief process with my mother-in-law, Audrey.  

My husband's parents, Don and Audrey, were married for sixty-two years and in all that time, Audrey was only alone overnight for fewer than twenty nights—total. Even when Don was away during two different wars, Audrey’s mother lived with her. Four or five months before Don passed away, Audrey remarked to me, “If something happens to Don, I don’t know if I can live alone.” Then about a month later she commented, “I’ve been thinking about living alone and I think I can do it.”

I was so proud of her. 

The first night of Don’s hospitalization, Audrey stayed in our home. The next day she surprised us with her spunk, saying she wanted to return to her own home. I volunteered to spend the night at her home, but she said, “No, I have to get used to it.” And she did, even after Don died a week later.

But that doesn’t mean I didn't worry about her loneliness. During the first two weeks we made sure she had something to do with us every day. But realizing we couldn’t keep that up for long, I wondered how she would cope.

In my prayer time I prayed verses for Audrey dealing with the topic of loneliness. I began praying Psalm 146:9 for her: “The LORD protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow; But He thwarts the way of the wicked” (NASB). Unexpectedly, I thought, I shouldn’t try to fill the place the Lord wants in her life.

Wow—that hit me hard. In my worry about her loneliness, I had begun to feel responsible to make sure she wasn’t lonely. I wrote in my journal: “I can try to be there too much. She could depend upon me and/or Larry instead of looking to You, Lord. Help me, Father, to resist the compulsion to ‘be there’ for her too much.”

When I told Larry about what the Lord had revealed to me, I jokingly (but with some seriousness) quipped, “God doesn’t want me to be your mom’s grief savior.” If I had continued to worry about her, I could have easily become that. And I’d be good at it because I so easily take responsibility for the happiness of others.

When I talked to Audrey later that day, she enthusiastically said, “Guess what Chuck Swindoll talked about on his radio program today?”

“What, Mom Audrey?”

“Loneliness. It really ministered to me.”

I laughed. God had come through. I didn’t need to be in charge of making sure she wasn’t lonely. Of course, she’s going to be lonely—she’s alone for the first time in her life. We certainly are going to help her, but she should primarily look to God, not us. Otherwise, she’ll draw too close to us and not closer to God.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this....How has God met you or someone you know in the midst of your worry?
                                                                     
                                                      ~  Kathy

Want to be entered for the drawing for Kathy's book? Share a time when worry had an impact on your life. How have you discovered more of God's care even when worry threatened to overwhelm you? We will announce the winner on November 11, 2013.

BOOK SUMMARY AND BIOGRAPHY:

It is possible to worry less through trusting God more. Regardless of the storms of trials, temptations, worry, uncertainty, confusion, or regrets that you're facing, you can trust God more. Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries offers a conversational style, personal testimonies, practical illustrations, and solid biblical teaching for breaking anxiety and the devastating effects of worry. Each chapter includes Discussion Questions for individuals or groups, along with a “Letter from God.” In addition, a profile of a woman in the Bible who struggled with or experienced victory over worry is featured in each chapter to inspire every reader to see God's hand in her life. 

Kathy Collard Miller is a speaker and author. Her passion is to inspire women to trust God more. She has spoken in 30 states and 7 foreign countries. Kathy has 49 published books including Women of the Bible: Smart Guide to the Bible (Thomas Nelson) and she blogs at www.KathyCollardMiller.blogspot.com. Kathy lives in Southern California with her husband of 43 years, Larry, and is the proud grandma of Raphael. Kathy and Larry often speak together at marriage events and retreats.

Order a copy of Kathy's book in paperback or Ebook here:

My Spin on Philippians 4:6-9

Telling someone not to be anxious is like asking them not to breathe. It is certainly true of me. Worry just seems to be the natural response to anything I fear or lack knowledge about. 

You might as well give me the middle name, Fear, because it's been such a big part of my life since I can remember.

I was a little girl who was afraid of Santa Claus, floral arrangements, cemeteries and music. It took me forty years to figure out the roots of those fears. Not that it took away my fear of things, but I began to understand how intrinsic fears are to humanity. It's no wonder then, that the words 'fear not' appear 365 times in Scripture. 

One for every day of the year.

So passages like this one in Philippians begin to be life-verses for people like me. The words and truths roll around in my mind so much that I begin to paraphrase them by heart. My spin on these verses in Philippians goes something like this:

I won't worry and fret about things; instead, I'll talk to God about them - a lot.

Every time I start to worry again, instead of letting it get to me, I'll bring it to God because He is the one who takes care of everything I need. He knows what the trouble is and He knows how to fix it.

When I start to worry, I'll think about all the amazing things he has done for me in the past—I know there are plenty of them. It will help to focus on the ways He has answered prayer and come through for me before. That's why the Bible tells about setting up memorial stones; they are markers to help me remember everything that He has done in my life.

When I find myself getting overwhelmed by all the darkness and worries, I think about the things that are true; the good and pure things; the silver lining things; the things I have praised Him for, and I'm thankful for them.

Because I know deep down that He will take care of this stuff - Because He has come through for me in the past. When I do these things, I have God's peace even when it is hard for others to understand especially with everything going on around me. Because whatever is going on, He promises to be with me. And if He is with me, I will not be afraid.

What are you afraid of? What do you worry about?

He says, "Fear not. I am with you. I am your peace. I will accomplish everything that concerns you" (Psalm 57:2, Psalm 138:8)

Fear is the opposite of faith so my prayer is that I can grow stronger in my faith and my trust in Him so that my fear will become less.

Praying for you too,

Jeanne

“Be anxious for nothing...” Philippians 4:6-9

Anxious, who me? Well, okay, maybe just a tad!

As much as I say I trust God and know He has things under control, I do feel anxious. I have children who live in other states. I worry about my mom after my father's passing. I worry about my sisters who are both dealing with divorce and rejection. I worry about my to-do list. I worry about change. There are times when I can seem to let go, but most of the time, if I am honest, anxiety just simmers slowly on the burner of life.

That must be why Paul says in Philippians 4:6-9, “be anxious for nothing...” I guess things haven't changed much since the first century. They had worries then too. 

So, if the Word is living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword, then Paul's admonishments are for me too. So how do I make these words my own? How do they become my prayer, sinking deep, bringing me to a place of contentment? How do I live beyond the simmering anxiety, abundantly as Christ says in John 10:10?

A few times in my life I have conquered the worry for a few moments and experienced peace as I made Paul's 'whatever is...” list take over my thoughts. Yet, it is something that I don't seem to learn naturally. It doesn't stick and become the default thought path. I need to relearn the lesson every time anxiousness gets the upper hand. 

My desire is to have the hope of this passage root deep into my heart, soul, and mind so that the peace that Jesus offers is real everyday.

Do you have worries that have been tamed by the truths of this passage? I would love to hear your stories. I know they would encourage others too. So, please post your thoughts and over the next few messages we can try to unpack these verses to find the timeless treasure they offer.


Jeanne